I only know of only two ways to get into the tents at Fashion Week in New York. You can be in the fashion industry or you can be part of the press. I don’t have the stamina to be in the fashion industry, but in 2008 it doesn’t take much to call yourself a press person. So there I was with my best friend T to experience our first fashion show. Here’s what I learned:
1) Fashion shows are like mega clubs. There are VIP people and there’s everyone else. If you’re a VIP person, you walk right in and you get to sit. If you’re everyone else, you stand on line and then (if you get in and this is a big if) you stand up unless of course you weasel your way into a seat.
2) There are only really two things inside the tents: runways and bars. If you can’t get into a show don’t worry. Just get off line and go back to the bar. Or skip the show altogether and just stay at the bar (see item 6).
3) The best dressed people and the worst dressed people in New York somehow co-exist inside the tents, but the contrast is almost nauseating.
4) It is easy for a straight guy to figure out fashion. Just apply this simple test to any outfit you see. If you imagine your girlfriend in an outfit and you get excited, then it’s a great outfit. If the outfit makes you giggle uncontrollably, then you make fun of it. You can’t lose, unless your girlfriend is actually wearing it when you start laughing.
5) Gay guys and cougars hit on anything that moves inside the tents, even each other. Look out.
6) Getting a seat in a fashion show takes two hours. The show will start forty minutes late and it will last for no more than ten minutes. Then the process starts all over again. The bar takes thirty seconds to get to. The bartender can get you a drink in two minutes. You can stay there for hours and see every show on a huge flat screen TV. You get one guess on where the better spot is.
7) The more drunk, obnoxious and annoying you are, the more likely you’ll be to get in every show and have other people to buy you drinks.